Tuesday 6:17 PM. Malden, Mass.
Locale: Broadway, a two lane road.
Perpetrator: A black Mercedes and white SUV

Remember in grade school when you'd prank you buddy with a friendly pat on the back with an underhanded "Kick me" sign?

Ok. Maybe no one actually did that. Let's just pretend like they did for a minute. Humor me. It works much better for the story I'm trying to tell you. So, for today's entry, I thought that someone had come up to my car and taped a "Cut Me Off" sign to the hood of my car.

As I'm driving down the road, I see a Mercedes edging out of a parking lot. I'm coming along at a solid 35mph, you know, the speed limit. I don't flash, I don't slow down, but for some reason she thinks she's got room. So she flies out and I slam on the breaks. When I say slam, I mean slam. I came to a complete stop to avoid hitting her. As I slowed down, I held my horn the whole way. I was not happy. But she went on her merry way, and I started accelerating.

Just as I got back up to 30mph, I see a white SUV pulling out two parking lots down.

"Don't do it" I think. "Don't you even think about doing it."

He did it.

He tears out of there and cuts me off. This couldn't have been more than 10 seconds later. It was like back to back. I'm pretty sure that the song I was listening to didn't even get through a full verse before I encountered these two. To be fair, the Mercedes' move was much more aggressive, but the SUV could not have timed it better. So, I need to give two prizes today. Good luck splitting the award you two, because you both earned it.