Casual Friday 8.31.12

If you've never been to Boston, or Massachusetts in general...hell, if you've never crossed the street with someone from Massachussetts, then know this: We cross the street whenever we damn well please. The more crowded the area, the more disregard for traffic we have. "Cars need to yield to us," we think, "so I'll just cross right now." Despite all of this, Jaywalking is actually an infraction of the law. There's even a fine associated with it. "How much?" you may ask, assuming such a commonplace infraction is bound to generate big money if enforced. How much?
One

Single

Dollar

Well, as I'm walking to lunch I see a guy cross diagonally through an intersection, in front of traffic that has a green light. Lo and behold there is a cop on the adjacent corner who sees him cross!

 

What does the cop say?

"Hey! Hey buddy! How bout you use a crosswalk next time?"

Seriously people. What's the point?

Thursday 1:27 PM. Brookline, Mass.
Perpetrator: Single Unit Truck

Locale:

It's always nice when people respect the law in Massachusetts and yield to pedestrians.

It's always obnoxious when people break the law in Massachusetts and block an intersection.

Now imagine my confusion as to how to feel, as today's winner did both.
I'm crossing from the corner across the street of the corner this shot is taken from. As I'm waiting for the light to change, I see this little old lady, stopped just about where the woman with the two shopping bags is located. She is at the divider in the road, waiting to finish crossing, as the lights we are looking at are red, and cars are crossing through perpendicular to us. Now, the cars that have already made it through the intersection are stopped all the way to the crosswalk, so the next vehicle that comes, stops to let this lady cross. Unfortunately, it was a single unit truck. To add to the misfortune, the light cycle changes, and the truck is now in the middle of the intersection, unable to cross due to both cars and pedestrians.

Imagine sitting in your car where this shot is positioned, but instead of what you see now, you see the side of a truck taking up the entire intersection. Not only that, but you know there is a green light on the other side. If it were me in the car, I would have lost it at that point. Not only because I know there's absolutely no way for me to go right now, but also, because I have no shot at beating that guy to be today's winner.


Author's Note: I use map images for these entries, so no. I have no clue how the car on the left isn't being hit by that subway.

Wednesday 5:47 PM. Revere, MA
Perpetrator: White Company Van

Locale:

 

Not too shabby. Alright readers. Here's the new layout. I was rather pleased with the picture from yesterday, so I decided to do it again today, and I think it really captures things better. You guys can let me know in the comments or on Facebook/Twitter if you like the pictures.

 

Decisions, decisions. All that we do in life is based on decisions. Some you think about for a long time, and some you make in a fraction of a second. Its those ones you need to worry about.

 

Generally speaking, when going somewhere, I try to figure out where it is I need to be going before I get there. Now I'm not saying that I haven't realized that I need to go somewhere else and correct my path, but I generally do so as safely as possible. Well, our winner for today just seemed to want to dodge a bit of traffic. I'm in the right exit lane shown in the picture, just off camera from where the shot is. The van is in the middle lane, just ahead of the pole in the picture. As he is quickly approaching the wall of tail-lights in front of him, he suddenly swings right, cuts across the lane of traffic, and goes over the striped barrier, narrowly missing the curb with the exit sign on it. From where I was, it didn't even look like he could clear it from that angle. Sure enough, he did, and cut just in front of me on the exit. Somehow I don't think this guy desperately needed to make that exit. I think he just didn't feel like stopping. 

Tuesday 4:49 PM. Boston, Mass
Locale: Intersection of Charles St. and Blossom St.
Perpetrator: Black Ford Pickup Truck

Just because you can do something, doesn't mean you should. Often times, when things are designed for one purpose, they are capable of doing similar functions, even though they weren't intended to do so. Can a chair be used as a stepladder? Sure. Should you use a chair as a stepladder? If it doesn't swivel, then that's probably a fair idea. So, if your car is designed to go over tough terrain, should you be unafraid of things in the road? Sure. Should you drive over whatever you want? Probably not.

They say a picture is worth a thousand words. So rather than try and describe where this took place, and what the circumstances were, here's a picture:

Now, it's probably easier to do this for every entry, but I didn't think that far ahead when I started the blog. So this is approximately where I am, except there are cars just about everywhere both on my side and on the other side of the divider. You may be wondering what this has to do with my rant from the beginning of the article. Well, positioned on the other side of that divider was a black pickup. Now, going back to what I was saying about can and should, this divider was certainly no problem for such a truck. His truck is designed for tough terrain, so it could probably drive over this bit of concrete. Does that mean he should do it?

Well, apparently he thought so. He drives up and over the curb, cuts in front of me, and drives down the street you can see the grey car turning down. Like I said, it all comes down to can versus should. Just because you can make my blog, doesn't mean you should try to.

Monday
Locale
Perpetrator

Hello everyone!
Sorry for being absent these two weeks. I was on vacation as of Friday the 10th, and being the awful blogger that I am, I forgot to tell you all. Fret not, I have returned and am ready to start telling you about all the ridiculous driving that I encounter. Knowing that it is a Monday, I am ready for anything. Anything except nothing.

That is, at best, a horrible example of sentence structure, English grammar, and conveyance all in one. Allow me to elaborate: I really didn't see much today that is worthy of the blog. Now, this is not to say that there weren't some bone-headed maneuvers. That goes without question. The thing is, the bar is starting to get pretty high for me. Most of what I saw are things that were overshadowed or even weaker versions of things I've talked about before. Needless to say, the first day back was much less than what I was hoping for. The one day I came to Boston during my break? Now that is a day worth writing about.

It starts, as many of these tales do, on the ramp outside the TD Garden, heading to Storrow Drive. I am coming around in the right lane, as I usually do, to avoid the left hand exit which never moves. The person ahead of me has the same plan. The only problem is that when the right lane becomes two, he is still driving down the middle of the road. He eventually drifts over, and as I go to pass him, I glance over. This guy, this wonderful example of driving excellence, is flossing. As in his teeth. I don't claim to be any type of authority on dental hygiene, and I certainly don't know where he was going that it was so crucial to floss, but I think flossing is a procedure that takes maybe two minutes. Dude, wait until you get where you're going, and floss then.

That would be enough for a normal day. This is my vacation though. Boston is going all out today, because she knows that this is the one time in these two weeks I'll be on her streets.

When I make it to Storrow drive, I'm relieved to find it moving at a pretty fair pace. I'm in the rightmost lane, and I see the person in the middle lane has their right blinker on. So I keep my pace behind them to allow them to go in front of me, and I wait. And wait....and wait. Where does the person decide to go? They turn into the left lane, right blinker flashing away.

So I finally make it to my favorite exit, and I know that much of this traffic is going to the Red Sox game that day. I thought the best way to do that was to either take the Fenway exit, or turn right off of the exit I took to head near Fenway for better parking. Apparently going straight through the exit I take is the better plan, as two cars in a row went straight through the right only.

Well played Boston. Well Played.

Casual Friday - 8.10.12
Everyone hates construction. From drivers, to cops, to pedestrians, construction just inconveniences everyone. I always assumed that it didn't bug the construction workers, as they're getting paid to do it. So as I'm walking by a construction site, I glance over to the workers sitting on the edge of this enourmous hole they have dug, chowing down on lunch. It was a bit tough to here, but this is the echange that happened next:

Supervisor: "Hey guys, I know you're on break, but I just wanted you to know that (I'm not sure who) is coming by in (some amount of time)."

Construction Guy: "You're F*cking right I'm on break! You think I give a damn about when (person) is coming? Do you see food in my hand!? That means I don't give a sh*t who is coming or when they're getting here. I don't care if f*cking Obama is coming, I'm on LUNCH!"

Apparently construction bothers even the workers themselves.

Thursday 8:47 AM. Boston, Mass
Locale: Intersection of Charlesgate West and Beacon Street. Yeah, that intersection.
Perpetrator: Cranberry Ford Explorer and Blue BMW

I told you. To anyone that was watching that counter tick up and up on the side of the blog thinking: "Clearly this doesn't happen as much as he says it does."

Well today it happened.

That wouldn't normally be enough to warrant an entry though. I mean, I kept a counter up just to keep track of when it would happen next. I knew I was long overdue. It's the fact that the perpetrator was not alone in his bonehead maneuver.

So to anyone that is unaware, this intersection is three lanes: Straight, Right/Straight, or Right Only. My girlfriend is pointing out this Ford Explorer when suddenly my spider sense starts tingling. Alright. Not spider sense. I'm no superhero. I do have a keen sense of when stupid traffic performances are about to take place. For whatever reason, I feel like this Explorer is going to be the one to break me out of my slump.

I hate it when I'm right.

Now, like I said, just the fact that he did this would not normally be enough to make this guy a winner. He had a partner in crime. As I'm watching this guy make my most hated maneuver, I almost fail to see the BMW in the leftmost lane. You know, the straight only one. They start to turn right, sandwiching me in between the car going straight. It was like the Olympics for synchronized stupid. On my right, someone going straight through a right only. On my left, someone going right through a straight only. Kudos guys. You not only gave me a reason to reset my counter, but you also win the award for the day.

Wednesday 5:40 PM. Brookline, Mass
Locale: Beacon Street at a stoplight with two straight lanes and a left turn only
Perpetrator: Tan Sedan

Today's winner was one that I wish I could say I exaggerated. I wish that things like this didn't actually happen. It would be lovely if people didn't go to such lengths to outdo each other with ridiculousness on the road.

I just can't make this crap up.

So our brilliant motorist is in the middle of the three lanes. Now, this lane is clearly going straight, as the one next to it is left only. So the light turns green and he goes...nowhere. The person behind him honks. He then begins to go.             Psych! Just kidding. He doesn't move. Finally with more honking, he begins to go, and starts to turn left. He then stops midway through his turn and just sits there.

The left turn lane gets their green light, and the car turning left is a UPS truck. He pulls up next to the stopped motorist to make sure he's ok.

I swear on any hallowed ground you wish me to that the next part happened.

The stopped driver sticks his hand out the window, and proceeds to give the UPS man a package.

I must be imagining this, right? There is no way he's actually trying to give a UPS driver a package while he is driving a car. So the UPS truck turns and pulls over to the side of the other side of the road. The motorist follows him and pulls up next to him and I shit you not gives him the package.

What!? Are you serious!? What in the...why in the...how in the...wow. I was beyond belief at this point. It is probably one of the most ridiculous things I've ever seen in my entire life, and will probably be the best entry I'll have for however long I write this blog.

Tuesday 5:12 PM. Cambridge, Mass.
Locale: Junction to Memorial Drive
Perpetrator: Cyclist

I knew this was coming. I knew from the very second I clicked confirm to start this blog that this post was coming. I tried to fight it too. I overlooked many a foolish maneuver from the people I'm least willing to share the road with. I tried to tell myself, "they're being healthy," or "they're concerned about the environment," or even "they're making wise saving decisions." I simply can't turn off that part of my brain that wants these people off the road.

I'm talking of course about people on bikes.

As I just stated, there are many benefits to riding a bike. However, most bike riders fail to understand that when they are on the road they are a vehicle. They need to abide by the rules of the road. Speaking of the road, that's usually where the trouble starts. In my opinion, if there is no bike lane then you should not be on the road. That may sound harsh or critical, but I just don't think it makes sense. Your ~150lb frame plus your 40 lb bike loses all day every day to even the tiniest of motor vehicles. If I were on a bike, I wouldn't even want go toe to toe with a freakin' moped.

If you disregard the fact that you do not have a lane on this road, and are choosing instead to join the traffic, then you need to behave like traffic. Come on people. I can't tell you how many people on bikes I've seen run red lights, cut people off, ignore stop signs. You do not get special privilege just because you are on a bike. Today's winner was one of the worst offenders of this rule that I've seen yet.

I'm at the stoplight turning on to Memorial Drive. It's an entry lane that merges with a lane of traffic coming from above it, which is one of the worst configurations ever, in my opinion. As I begin to turn, I see our intrepid bicycle rider heading straight towards me. Down the entry ramp. Against traffic. Seriously? Not only that, he's heading straight for a freakin' rotary. Where the heck do you think you're even going? There's a perfectly good sidewalk next to you so GET OFF AND WALK IT! Ugh. Just ridiculous.

Monday 5:26 PM. Boston, Mass
Locale: Charles Street, a two lane stoplight leading to Storrow Drive
Perpetrator: Green SUV

Monday, Monday. If there's a day to have no idea where you're going, it's Monday. I know that directions are tough for some people, but I think that knowing West from East is pretty easy. Boston, in case any readers out there are in the middle of the country somewhere and have no idea where Boston is, is a port town. This makes it quite simple to know where you are going. It is literally one of the last parts of land in Massachusetts before you hit ocean. OK, so Cape Cod swings up and around a bit, but the point is, if you are anywhere in Boston and head East, you'd better be in a duckboat, because you're headed straight for water.

So this intersection is pretty strange. When you're approaching it from the Cabridge bridge, you have a choice of two lanes. When you take the left lane, you can either take your first or second left. One takes you to Storrow Drive West, one to Storrow Drive East. Once you make your selection, there are two lane stoplights leading to the entry. Today's winner clearly needed a compass.

As I'm about to go through the stoplight to head to the Eastbound entry ramp, I see the person headed toward the Westbound one turn towards me. Thankfully she stopped, but she then sat there blocking her lane of traffic with her turn signal on until she could get in. Needless to say, honking ensued. I know that directions can be tricky sometimes, but come on people. Think about the bigger picture. If you go West, you go to strange parts of Massachusetts. If you go East, you get wet. Messing that up just gets you to the winner's circle of my blog entry.

Casual Friday - 8.3.12
Hey everyone!
So, I've decided to do a things a little different. Inspired by last weeks humorous incident with the ducks, and this weeks tale of sheer failure, I officially declare the entries on Fridays to be "Casual Fridays." Rather than rant and rave about some ridiculous maneuver that someone does, or some near accident I narrowly avoid, I'll tell a more amusing tale from the road.

So, any of my friends or relatives can tell you that I'm great with directions (if they're feeling like being nice to me.) I always say that if you take me somewhere twice in the day, or three times at night, I can get back there no problem. I learn routes and roads pretty quick. Well, this is a tale of sheer incompetence...on my part.

So I went to Salem, Massachusetts to attend a game night. I've been to the area before, but only on weekends. I wasn't sure where it would be alright to park for an extended period of time without paying, but I knew the last time I went to this shop for a tournament, I found a street and parked there for a while without penalty. So I drive around looking for this street and I simply can't find it for the life of me. I do however find another street, and there are no signs to say not to park there. I went from street corner to street corner just to be sure, and there was not a sign to be found.

After a victorious 4-1 record, I politely declined drinks with some friends, and made my way back. Unfortunately, I had only been there once in the day time. So I go to where I think the car is and it is nowhere to be seen. So I think that maybe I parked up a block. However, as I head down the street, I realize there is no "up a block." At this point I pull out my phone, and even the highest advances in Apple technology cannot help me in my quest.

Long story short (not really) here's the route I ended up with:

The blue dot is my car.

Thursday 5:17 PM. Stoneham, Mass.
Locale: 93 Northbound, a 3 lane highway.
Perpetrator: Black Sedan

Naming things can be hard. Sure, I was able to some up with a clever title for this blog. Things can be titled in really funny, unique, or original names. Sometimes it is best to just be straightforward. Intersections are where lanes, well, intersect. A rotary is such due to the rotary motion the cars go whilst travelling in it. Breakdown lanes are exactly that: a place for cars that are broken down. Easy right? These are the questions you answer to get your permit when you're freaking 16!

Not really sure how today's winner passed that test.

So we're heading toward the 95 juncture and I'm in the right lane. All of a sudden, this guy comes up alongside me. Granted, this is a pretty commonplace move. It's really disturbing how many people think it's a good idea to use the breakdown lane for travel. I'm not all that surprised as he comes up on my right. I am surprised when he tries to get into my lane, despite the fact that there was no room for him to do so. So I honk, repeatedly, and he scoots back into the breakdown lane. He then speeds up and is able to squeeze in. Normally, I'd give a thumbs up here, but I had a stressful day, so I went with a different finger.

Now I don't know if he saw me or not, but he starts doing this weird head motion. It was almost like something out of "A Night at the Roxbury" but slowed down. Then his car starts swerving. Left-right-left-right, the car's motion mirroring his odd head bobbing.

"Great," I think, "I just flipped off a lunatic."

Finally, I see the exit I'm praying for and get into the exit lane. Then I see my good friend in the sedan flick on his blinker. It's at this moment that various scenarios start to run through my head, ranging from a simple merge to something like a modern day, Ben-Hur chariot scene.

None of those unfold however, as partway into the merge, he darts back into the lane he just came from, right blinker still going. Let me tell you, I am glad he chose to not join me for the next part of my ride.

Wednesday 5:37 PM. Boston, Mass.
Locale: Intersection of Charles Street and 93 ramp. Well...doesn't this seem familiar.
Perpetrator: Blue Pickup Truck

So I thought I had finally found the magic route. I thought my quests of exploring the twists and turns of this city had finally lead me to a route out that was not an incredible headache. Was there traffic? Absolutely. Come on, it's Boston. Still, it seemed like it had fairly reliable groups of people, and it seemed like everyone knew where to go. Well, like I said, it is Boston.

So this intersection is ridiculous. There are 5 lanes which break off into two "Left Only" lanes, a "Straight Only," a "Straight Right," (which caused Monday's Disaster) and a "Right Only." You can either go straight across to the two lane 93 North ramp, or turn right into the two lane 93 South Tunnel. It's pretty clear when you're approaching which lane is going to take you where.

Or so it would seem.

I am in the straight/right, a lane I am quickly becoming not fond of, and the truck is in the straight only. We begin to head into the intersection. Then, of course, in classic "I probably should have figured out where I was going before I got in the intersection" fashion, he cuts me off and heads down the tunnel. I gave him a resounding long horn, followed by some accented short horns. Just to really make the point. Well, they say that there's always a light at the end of the tunnel. For this guy, that light was the winner's circle on this here blog.

Tuesday 6:17 PM. Malden, Mass.
Locale: Broadway, a two lane road.
Perpetrator: A black Mercedes and white SUV

Remember in grade school when you'd prank you buddy with a friendly pat on the back with an underhanded "Kick me" sign?

Ok. Maybe no one actually did that. Let's just pretend like they did for a minute. Humor me. It works much better for the story I'm trying to tell you. So, for today's entry, I thought that someone had come up to my car and taped a "Cut Me Off" sign to the hood of my car.

As I'm driving down the road, I see a Mercedes edging out of a parking lot. I'm coming along at a solid 35mph, you know, the speed limit. I don't flash, I don't slow down, but for some reason she thinks she's got room. So she flies out and I slam on the breaks. When I say slam, I mean slam. I came to a complete stop to avoid hitting her. As I slowed down, I held my horn the whole way. I was not happy. But she went on her merry way, and I started accelerating.

Just as I got back up to 30mph, I see a white SUV pulling out two parking lots down.

"Don't do it" I think. "Don't you even think about doing it."

He did it.

He tears out of there and cuts me off. This couldn't have been more than 10 seconds later. It was like back to back. I'm pretty sure that the song I was listening to didn't even get through a full verse before I encountered these two. To be fair, the Mercedes' move was much more aggressive, but the SUV could not have timed it better. So, I need to give two prizes today. Good luck splitting the award you two, because you both earned it.

Monday 5:39 PM. Boston, Mass.
Locale: Intersection of Charles Street and 93 ramp. My lane is straight/right, and I'm going straight.
Perpetrator: Cabbie

Happy Monday everyone! You can tell it's Monday because even the cabbies are impatient.

Well...I guess they're impatient every day. In any event, one thing that bothers me to no end is people who block intersections. I think few people realize that you're not supposed to do that. This is something that happens all the time in Boston. I'm guilty of it myself. Yet I stand vigilant and try to avoid it whenever possible.

So as I'm coming up to this deathly intersection, I see that the cars in front of me have stopped, and there is room for maybe a car and a half (or two smart cars) in the intersection. I don't think there would have been room for me even if i was turning. The cabbie behind me seemed to think differently.

He starts honking like he's trying to test the durability of his car horn. Clearly he thought that I could either occupy the same space as someone's bumper, or that other traffic could just pass through my car. Thankfully the cars moved, so I was able to pull into the intersection. I watched as he turned, and went about 12 feet before stopping behind the other traffic. Way to go bud. You may not have gotten anywhere fast that night, but you took the express route to the winner's circle.