Friday 5:38 PM. Boston, Mass
Locale: Storrow Drive, one of the busiest rush hour thoroughfares in Boston.
Perpetrator: White Smart Car

The cutoff. It is a Masshole's bread and butter. If there was a driving school for idiots, it would be the first thing you would learn. Sure, there are variations: the triple lane swing, the in-and-out, the last second exit switch. Every once in a while however, someone just goes for the classic, textbook cutoff.

Now, I've encountered many vehicles which have mastered the cutoff. They typically fall into one of three categories: The Nice Car, The Monster Vehicle, and The Average Joe. As you'll come to learn (if you continue to read this blog) for some inexplicable reason, the nicer the car, the bigger of a jerk the driver. It's not just me who thinks this either. UC Berkeley did a study which confirmed my suspicions: http://articles.latimes.com/2012/feb/27/science/la-sci-0228-greed-20120228. Whenever I see a nice car, I generally assume they're going to cut me off at some point.

The Monster Vehicle can be anything from some souped-up 4X4 (usually with metal testicles hanging from the back and a slew of "America" stickers) to a freakin' 18 Wheeler. I really can't complain when this happens, as these cars will crush my little Matrix. Heck, they'll crush just about anything, so why even bother looking what's in the lane next to you?

Then you got your Average Joes. They're just trying to avoid what I call "Office Space Syndrome" which is when you find yourself in the only lane of traffic which is incapable of moving. They're tired, they want to get home, and they want to freaking drive. It's a road, not a parking lot! I totally understand the mentality, and have certainly been guilty of it myself.

Today's perp however was an alarming exception to the rule. He was driving a smart car. In Boston. At 5:38.

Wow.

To me, driving a smartcar down Storrow Drive is like running through the lion exhibit wearing a steak suit. It just seems like a bad idea. When a stiff breeze is enough to topple your car, flying through the worst road at the worst time is just brainless. Pretty funny for someone driving a "smart" car. They were undaunted by this scenario, and decidedly flew in front of me from the outside lane. Congratulations sir, you've got bigger cojones than the metal ones hanging from the 4X4.